Day 32-50 of the Third Voyage: In which we’re going to resort to travelogue since we’re not technically travelling.

First off, we’d like to bid a belated farewell to HMS Cliff who left us a couple weeks ago. The 980 nm journey from San Diego was so much easier with his help and even though we were having a lot of fun, I think the lure of home (and corvette) was calling him back. Either that or the heat just got to him and he decided that the 115⁰ temperature at his home in Phoenix was a bit more tolerable. Yeah, yeah, yeah…dry heat. Whatever.

Sweat on, big guy!

So we’ve now been in Puerto Vallarta for about a month and are settling into a routine. As usual, everything revolves around the boat and its constant upkeep. Weekly tasks include running all the systems (engine, generator, water maker, etc.), keeping tanks and fluids topped off, running errands, and lots of maintenance and general cleaning (inside and out). Our big projects over the next few weeks will be installing the new windlass, overhauling the head system, redoing the bright work (again!), and getting a custom canvas in place over the pilothouse and foredeck (because that should help with the heat—because it’s hot. Did I mention it’s hot?) But we still have lots of free time to work on our Spanish, get into the gym (because unfortunately extreme sweating just doesn’t burn the calories you’d think it would), take advantage of the swimming pools and beach, and do some exploring.

And since somewhere in there I should do some blogging (so as not to get out of the habit), I thought I would share some of our observations and/or things we’ve learned that might be of benefit to fellow cruisers and/or first-time travelers to the area. (Because of course you want advice from the crew that can’t go anywhere without something going awry.)

Getting around…and around…and around (they really like their roundabouts here.)

Walking. When walking, it’s best to have a plan. Did I mention it’s hot? (I think I have. I can’t remember.) In more temperate climes, you may be able to walk a mile without breaking a sweat, but in this climate the sweat starts about two steps in so be prepared for that mile to feel like two. And when you’re walking a 90 pound dog that’s on constant iguana patrol it’s more like three. To this end, we’ve identified strategic rest stops along our favorite walking paths and incorporate them into our outings (the fact that they all serve cerveza is just a happy coincidence). When exploring PV or one of the nearby towns or villages, the best places to stop for a respite in between cantinas are the OXXO’s. These are found on virtually every corner and are the Mexican equivalent of a 7-11 with the only difference being that OXXO’s are kept at around 55⁰ inside and there’s always about 20 people in line at the register (I think most of them are just buying gum…and 10 minutes of coolth.)

A note about walking: PV is very hilly so some of the roads can get steep…but not as steep as some of the sidewalks. If you suddenly find yourself about four feet above the road, that’s natural. Just watch for businesses that actually are at street level as the sidewalk will go around them with abrupt drop-offs on either side. If you’re not watching where you’re going, you could fall face first into an auto repair shop.

Pictured: Sidewalk in Puerto Vallarta. That's a four foot drop off the left there. That tree ain't growing out of the sidewalk, it's falling off it.

Pictured: The view from the other side.

Not Pictured: Nose bleed.

Travelling by taxi. First off, all taxis are not created equal. Some are quiet, comfortable, and have good air conditioning. Others have seats so worn down you’re pretty much sitting directly on the car frame, the brakes are so loud they drown out the radio, and any air comes courtesy of an open window. They’re all small so if you’re fitting any more than two people in the back seat, you’d better hope you get along…and bring a towel because you’re going to perspire like a sardine in a sweat sock. The length of the ride is in direct correlation to how bad the shock absorbers are. Going to the MEGA supermarket just outside NV? Smooooooth. Going up to La Cruz on the other side of the bay? Bring a helmet; you’ll be hitting the roof a lot. Taxis to and from PV generally run 180 pesos (a little less than $10) unless you’re coming from Costco and then they tack on an extra 20 pesos (wear and tear fee for lugging your five cases of beer and bottled water all over the bay area.)

Getting around by bus. Whereas taxis are great for getting the lay of the land and for schlepping groceries back to the boat, the best mode of transportation is by bus. The bus to PV costs 15 pesos (about 80 cents) one way; buses in and around PV itself are 7.5 pesos (which is why it’s always good to travel in pairs because the half peso coin is about the size of a flattened Tic-Tac and easily lost among pocket lint.)

The buses come in different sizes, colors, and states of disrepair. The ATM buses from NV are most likely old tour buses as the seats are upholstered, the windows are tinted, and sometimes there is air conditioning. The local PV buses (the blue ones) look a lot like old school buses, ride rough like old school buses, and are generally driven by men with the world-weary look of someone that’s been hauling around unruly school kids for the past 10 years. But they are clean and drivers like to give their buses a little flair so it’s not uncommon to see rosaries, holy pictures, and stickers of your favorite tennis shoe brands affixed above the windshield. Destinations are hand-written on the front windows, but if you can’t find your bus there’s usually a “wrangler” at the major bus stops who will get you on the right one for a small tip. The de facto bus terminal is Walmart—all buses seem to go there and it’s the best place to change from one line to another.

At least once during your trip, someone will get on who will be selling something or soliciting donations. They slip the driver a few pesos, do their spiel, and get off at a stop down the road. Most leave empty-handed, but the guy selling Otter Pops made out like a bandito (You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to use that cliché!)

One more thing…buses only have two speeds: Get Out Of The Way and Screeching Halt. So be prepared.

I ain't afraid of no bus.

Where to go first? Of course it should be Downtown Puerto Vallarta! Even if you’re berthed at the PV marina, downtown is still quite a hike. Grab a blue bus that says, “El Centro” in the window and get off at the Main Plaza/Church of Our Lady of Guadalupe. This is basically the start of El Centro/Old Town as well as the beginning of El Malecon. El Centro is full of restaurants, shops, and nightclubs. It’s noisy and hot, the traffic is out of control (and extremely loud as the streets are cobblestone), and it’s chock full of humanity—tourists, working folks, local families celebrating birthdays and weddings, etc. It’s crazy in an exciting sort of way but the further you get from the water, the more stifling it gets so don’t forget your OXXO stops. At the south end of El Centro along Rio Cuale is Old Town aka Zona Romantica. This is where you can stroll through meandering streets, marvel at the beautifully restored old buildings, have a great meal at one of the many outdoor restaurants, and fend off 200 of your new best friends all promising to give you the best deal on t-shirts/silver jewelry/tequila/etc.

Definitely stroll El Malecon at least once. It’s a mile-long promenade along the seawall that’s known for its bronze sculptures and expansive view of the bay. It’s also known for street peddlers, living statues, and aggressive cantina and souvenir shop barkers so be prepared to say, “No, gracias.” a lot.  But the nice thing about El Malecon (as with most of the touristy areas) is that one dollar beer is the norm at the cantinas so there are plenty of “rest stops” to be had. If I could give out one piece of advice though…if you’re looking for a beer, pop into the first place that strikes your fancy. We got caught in the “this looks nice, but let’s see what’s further down” syndrome and ran out of bars. And that’s how we ended up at Senor Frogs—which I’d never heard of till we got to Mexico but they’re absolutely all over the place (and not just restaurants; there’s at least four swag stores for every eatery I think.) Because it’s so ubiquitous, we wanted to see what all the fuss was about. And I think I speak for all of us when I say, “meh.” The drinks were fine, but three times more expensive than the local joints. We weren’t eating, but the menu looked like it was the Mexican equivalent of an Applebee’s. The service was mediocre though the servers were lively. It’s one of those places where the music is as loud as the paint, there are “funny saying” signs everywhere, and the employees have scripted shout-outs and routines. I’m sure this works well on a weekend night, but not so much on a Tuesday afternoon. Part of their shtick is they put big obnoxious signs behind you when you’re not looking like, “Will do anything for tequila” (which isn’t true because The Captain is a whiskey man) and “Future Divorcee” (which may be true because I haven’t yet told The Captain that I lost his new torque wrench overboard.) Editor’s Note: I guess I have now.

Of course there’s so much more to PV than just El Centro/Old Town. But I’ll get to that later. Otter needs his walk and we need a rest stop.

Pictured: Typical street in El Centro

Not Pictured: The bus that almost hit you. And the car. And the donkey cart.

Pictured: Flea market aka the gauntlet that you must run to get from El Malecon to Old Town

Not Pictured: The vendor stampede upon one tourist saying, "Why yes. I might be interested in a sombrero."

Pictured: Church of Our Lady of Guadalupe as seen from the Main Plaza. El Malecon is behind.

Not Pictured: Senor Frogs. We left that behind us. Far, far behind us.