Day 48 of the 1st Voyage: In which the manifold finally arrives and we’re fairly certain the Captain has been placed on an international watch list.

Today marks our 28^th day in CRBC (dba CampHell River) and with it the realization that more than half of our odyssey has been spent languishing here, completely immobilized. The adventure of days 1-21 has turned into a distant memory, overshadowed by the ordeal of days 22+. Each day begins optimistically, builds in anticipation of a positive outcome, and culminates in the inevitable let down. It’s the equivalent of riding a rollercoaster—you go up, down, round and round but ultimately just end up where you started. That and you want to throw up.

For the uninitiated, here’s how you lose 30 days of your life over an exhaust manifold:

Day 1: Arrive CRBC with obvious engine trouble.

Day 2: Diesel mechanic 1 brought in; he pulls out manifold and takes it away for testing.

Day 3: Diesel mechanic 1 tests manifold, determines it has pinholes and must be replaced, says he will get quote for new one right away.

Day 4: Can’t get hold of diesel mechanic 1.

Day 5: Can’t get hold of diesel mechanic 1.

Day 6: Can’t get hold of diesel mechanic 1.

Day 7-8: Canadians don’t do weekends.

Day 9: Can’t get hold of diesel mechanic 1; call diesel mechanic 2 in Everett for recommendation; call in diesel mechanic 3; in the meantime, do own search for manifold, find company in Virginia that says they have one, get quote.

Day 10: Diesel mechanic 3 concurs it’s most likely manifold but must see it first—goes ahead and removes oil pump for good measure; diesel mechanic 3 contacts diesel mechanic 1 to procure old manifold; diesel mechanic 1 not thrilled about giving up manifold but does suddenly state that he has “just received confirmation that a quote will be coming in the next couple of days” from company in Virginia; diesel mechanic 1 fired.

Day 11: Canada Day (kind of like Fourth of July only substitute poutine for hot dogs. Oh, and nobody works.)

Day 12: Diesel mechanic 3 agrees that new manifold is needed; contacts company in Virginia; company in Virginia fesses up that they don’t actually “have” one but they can “make” one in 2-3 weeks; diesel mechanic 3 tracks down manifold in England; diesel mechanic 1 calls to say he finally has quote from company in Virginia but part will take 3-4 weeks; diesel mechanic 1 still fired.

Day 13: Diesel mechanic 3 takes pictures of remaining engine for English company, orders manifold, and removes/takes away muffler for good measure; engine room starting to look a little sparse. English company says it will ship manifold “right away”.

Day 14-15: Canadians and the English don’t do weekends.

Day 16: English company sits on manifold.

Day 17: English company sits on manifold.

Day 18: Manifold delivered to Gatwick Airport for flight to Canada.

Day 19: Manifold goes from Gatwick to Heathrow to Midlands, clears customs, finally leaves the UK.

Day 20: Manifold arrives in Cleveland (because why not?), clears customs, flies to Vancouver.

Day 21-22: Canadians don’t do weekends.

Day 23: Manifold held in Vancouver for a “clearance event”.

Day 24: Manifold held in Vancouver for a “clearance event”.

Day 25: The Captain contacts brother that works in international shipping; brother talks some sense into customs broker; manifold finally released from “clearance event”.

Day 26: Manifold arrives in CRBC! Work commences! Manifold installed; oil pump and muffler put back in; engine room starting to look full again.

Day 27: Work grinds to a halt. Mixing elbow from manifold to muffler does not fit and must be modified.

Day 28 (today): Diesel mechanic 3 sends elbow exhaust to outside welder (who apparently DOES work on Saturdays and/or feels sorry for us because we’re bordering on pathetic.)

Day 29: We’ve been told there’s a 50/50 chance that diesel mechanic 3 will/might possibly (you never know) work on Sunday. (Apparently because we have become that pathetic.)

Day 30: Diesel mechanic 3 will definitely be out to finish the engine.

Day 31: If there is a Day 31, diesel mechanic 3 will have grim task of identifying the bodies.

So for those of you who made it this far in the post without throwing up your hands and giving up (and we wouldn't blame you), you’re probably asking yourselves, “what exactly is a clearance event?” Apparently this is the bureaucratic way of saying, “your sh*ts all jacked up.” Typically this stems from incomplete manifests (thanks, DHL) and incorrect paperwork (thanks, unnamed local company) but in some cases shipments may be delayed because they look “funny”. Our shipment consisted of two large heavy aluminum objects, two copper pipes, and various metal bits and bobs. On the x-ray, these looked “funny”. It wasn’t “funny” in London, it wasn’t “funny” in Cleveland, but it sure as sh*t was hilarious in Vancouver.

When diesel mechanic 3 told us that the customs broker had implied that our package was a bomb (you didn’t think we meant “funny” as in “ha ha”, right?), we assumed he was just covering his butt due to the paperwork delay. But then the Captain got a phone call—someone from Calgary with an unlisted number wanted to verify that the Captain was who he said he was and was indeed associated with this cell phone number, etc. etc. It may have been nothing, but coming right after you’ve been told that Vancouver thinks your manifold is so funny it should do the club circuit, it does make you wonder.

In the end—and owing to the intervention of the Captain’s brother—the manifold was finally cleared and arrived the next morning in CRBC. Definitely not a bomb. Although the Captain did say that when we finally leave, he will be dropping a few bombs. About 37 of them…all beginning with the letter “F”.

Editor’s Note: For those of you keeping score at home, we paid one boat buck for “expedited” shipping from England. The DHL tracking sheet logged 25 stages equating to $40 each step and/or $100 per day. Glad we didn't go ground.

 

 

Pictured:  Not a bomb