Day 12 of the 1st Voyage: In which we nearly lose the dinghy with the dog in it.

With gale force winds predicted in the islands and Deer Harbor being very well protected, we opted to stay “on the chain” for a couple of days. So the Captain decided that this would be the ideal time to test the accommodation ladder. For the lubber, an accommodation ladder is a structure that attaches to the side of your boat and unfolds into a staircase from deck to waterline to help the timid, the infirmed, the elderly, and the Tinkle-Turf-be-damned-I’m-holding-it-in-till-we-get-to-shore get into the dinghy.

On the open market, these start at around five boat bucks. The Captain, who in his civilian life was also known as NPR (Never Pay Retail), is not an open market kind of guy. So when he couldn’t find one used, he designed and built his own. It is an awesome structure—six feet of solid, formidable, weighty aluminum. And so much easier to attach when you’re testing it at the dock than here in the open water where the only speed the other boaters seem to know is “autobahn”. So it did take some doing—and some line, halyards, more line, cushions, cussing—to get it attached to the side of the boat what with the forceful rocking caused by their wakes. But at last it was attached and ready for testing!

The Captain tried it first, and naturally made it look easy. I tried it next, only messing up a couple of times (“Step lighter! Don’t step there! I know it’s a step, but don’t step there!”). Once the last of the bugs were worked out, it was Operation Get Otter Off the Boat (or “Operation who’s a GOOT Boy?). The dog hadn’t relieved himself in 24 hours, so we figured he’d be eager to go. We figured wrong. I’ve read where dogs don’t see things the same way that humans do—shapes and colors are perceived differently. So whereas we would see a nice sturdy ladder going down to a nice sturdy dinghy with some water around it, Otter saw a watery darkness with six feet of solid, formidable, weighty darkness ushering him into what may or may not be a watery dark Tinkle Turf. He wasn’t taking any chances; he absolutely refused.

Plan B: The Sling. A few weeks before the odyssey began, the Captain had been researching alternative ways to get Otter off the boat in the event that Otter did not find the accommodation ladder very accommodating. He found the dog sling. I’d seen a documentary where an orca (or was it a cow?) needed to be airlifted, so they wrapped it in canvas and lifted it up via helicopter. The orca (or was it a cow?) just hung there limply in its own personal tote bag till it got to where it needed to be and was set free. This could work! We opened the package and there was a very impressive canvas cloth with lots of buckles and straps and rings and . . . how many openings? Let’s see . . . four legs, one head, one tail…that’s six, but shouldn’t it just be open on the head and tail side? What’s that one for? I don’t know, let’s try it. No, that’s not right. Take him out and turn it around. Okay. No, that’s not right. I think it’s the same way as before. Take him out and turn HIM around. No that’s still the same way. Okay, turn it and him around and let’s try that. What’s this extra hole for? Does his winky go through that? Shouldn’t that big flap support his neck and not his butt? What the cuss? What do the directions say? There are no directions; just a picture of a dog already in the contraption. Well, where’s his winky?

We finally get him into the sling (correctly, we think), attach it to a halyard and start lifting. Instead of hanging limply like the orca (or was it a cow?), he starts squirming and twisting and shimmying. The Captain immediately lowers him down, “This isn’t going to work. All it’s doing is pressing into his bladder. He probably REALLY needs to go now.” And for a brief moment, I was thinking maybe we should swing him over the Tinkle Turf.

Plan C: Go down with the dinghy. Sounds simple, should have been simple. Put Otter in dinghy while it’s in the davits. Lower Otter down with the dinghy. Captain gets in dinghy with Otter. Captain and Otter go speeding to shore! Went more like this…Put down plank for Otter to cross from deck to dinghy. Coax Otter into dinghy. Otter stumbles into front of dinghy. Caribbeaner holding front of dinghy to davits breaks loose. Front of dinghy falls sharply, only saved by bow line attached to deck. Dinghy with Otter now hanging at precarious angle from davits. Otter scrambling to stay in. Captain pulling up bow line while First Mate lowers stern. Otter rights himself and dinghy finally evens out. Dinghy hits water with loud thud. Otter wags tail. Captain and First Mate have simultaneous delayed heart attacks.

But at least the story does have a happy ending. Otter got to shore and did his business and felt much, much better! The Captain and the First Mate? Not so much.

Editor’s Note: In case you’re wondering how we got Otter back on the boat--as we suspected, he had a much easier time going UP the accommodation ladder than down. I’m sure it had something to do with him looking up at us as opposed to down at the water, but it’s also possible that he’d had enough dinghy lifts for one day.

Pictured:  Non-Tinkle Turf User